I can almost hear the Mahjong tiles...

Sorry not all my blog posts will contain Friends quotes.

Today I went to the actual gym for the first time since they replaces all the machines. I've been to classes and for swims (is that the plural?) but not used the actual equipment seeing as at 7am I need the fear of drowning or a muscly instructor to motivate me to do anything.

This afternoon I started on the new swanky bikes with their swanky screens. I was annoyed I'd forgotten my headphones so I would have to list to the whirrs and panting around me and hope it didn't distract me too much. After about 3 minutes my mind was wandering and the people in the swimming pool were offering no form of entertainment whatsoever, then I discovered the "Games" section on the screen.

Now I always claim I am completely uncompetitive. It's true. I get riled up sometimes when playing monopoly and when I'm trying to get children to be competitive, but quite honestly when it comes to sports or competition I just don't give a monkies... (monkey's?). That said, I live in a permanent state of competition with myself. 

I will spend hours playing Windows Pinball or fighting myself at table tennis on the Wii. But in company I just find it impossible to put any effort in. So the opportunity to battle myself whilst cycling was too hard to pass up.

I've never been able to get the hang of Sudoku and I didn't enjoy matching pairs (by didn't enjoy I mean "Was shit at") so I thought I'd give Mahjong a go (on easy obviously as I'm not an 89 year old and I can't remember how to play it on the computer). First go, smashed the board in 3 minutes 45. Had another go and had mild panic halfway because the screen tells you when you exercise time is nearly up (I'd allowed myself 15 minutes) so upped my minutage, and before you knew it I'd completed a medium level of Mahjong, and I'd been going full pelt for 30 minutes, I couldn't feel my legs and I was sweating out of every crevice.

I practically fell off the bike and hobbled to the arm bike where I lip read Countdown (I'm worse at Countdown that I am at Mahjong) then headed back to the changing rooms feeling wobbly and satisfied. Well done, Virgin Gym. Ten out of Ten for distractions.

We're just friends!.... Yeah... Naked Friends

All the talk of fad diets recently gave me a yearning to visit the gym again. I haven’t been enough in the last month due to knackeredness/business/laziness/illness so I set my alarm and opted it for an early morning swim.

It was actually lovely. I felt relaxed, I only swam into the side once and I felt refreshed as I got out the pool and headed confidently the area near the shower where I’d left my towel and shampoo (and pants, obviously).

I washed my hair, suffered no disasters, I even used the magic swimming costume drying box. and positively bounced back to the changing rooms. As I was laying out my belongings a woman appeared opposite me and promptly dropped her towel and then found her underwear. Don’t get me wrong, this happens a lot and if there was ever an appropriate place to see tits before 8am, the female changing rooms at Virgin gym is the place to be.

I promptly turned around, turned my towel into a tent and put my bra on despite the fact I was still dripping wet. I turned back and formerly naked lady smiled at me and said: “Oh there’s nothing better is there? I’m so ready for the day now!”

In a previous blog I have outlined that you should only ever speak to someone at the gym at times of disaster or pain. I should have also specified that under no circumstances should these conversations occur in the changing rooms. Nudity and conversation are not two concepts that go hand in hand, especially not when you are strangers.

All the time I was talking to her I couldn’t maintain eye contact because in my head I was just thinking I’VE SEEN YOUR VAGINA. I have friends I’ve known for more than half my life and I haven’t even seen their boobs let alone their lady garden.

I quickly put my skirt and top on (I’m still wet, I’m going to be damp all day...) whilst we engaged in polite conversations about her client who is eating nothing but cabbage at the moment and that she’s off to the cinema tonight to see Man of Steel.

I moved over to the mirror so I could do my hair and makeup and formerly naked lady (who, I will add, did not even seem the slightest bit damp... Did she even have a gym session?!). She packed up her bag and headed out, tapping me on the shoulder, we wished each other a good day, then she said three words that in a normal context would not have phased me in the slightest...

“See you tomorrow”

So I guess I’m going to the gym tomorrow...

Alternative post titles:

*thumbs up* Naked Gym friend

"I have a huge problem with nudity"

Nudicity