Things that the gym has taught me about my body

Disclaimer: Things I already knew about my body that the gym has confirmed include: unable to do the splits, generally lacks in coordination, sweats on levels that no woman should, and cannot physically support self using arms. I am not in denial about these things, I just knew them prior to gym-going.

1. My eyebrows are beyond useless.

The main function of an eyebrow, other than balancing out your forehead aesthetically, is to stop things, such as sweat, rolling into your eyes. Mine don't. To be honest I think they have given up trying. As I have admitted above, I do sweat more than your average female, however you'd think I would have sturdier eyebrows to balance it out. I don't. I don't even pluck them that often. So after about 5 minutes on a treadmill I can feel the cascade coming; like Niagara Falls or a Tsunami. Then it's in my eyes and they sting for the remainder of the gym trip. I need some sort of eye hat.


2. My arms get bored easily.

I can run for hours minutes, cycle for miles kilometres and I can shift 40, 10, 20kg with my thighs (on a good day), but as soon as I try and do anything remotely related to my arms, I just cannot keep going. Two minutes on the arm bike is about my limit, as is about 5 or 6 reps on a 2.5kg weight machine. I use the excuse that it's my shoulder that hurts, but anyone who really pays attention to me knows that weight and exercise make little-to-no difference to it, I don't know what it is. My arms are lazy, I have no control over them.


3. Treadmill after a hot dinner makes me windy.

I'm sorry. In my defence I had my headphones so I didn't hear it, so really; it's like it never happened.


4. Exercise makes me feel awake

Strange isn't it? Going early in the am makes me perky all day, and going at night, even after a long day's work afterwards I feel... happy... and energetic... and accomplished. Definitely witchcraft. They do it so that you keep wanting to go back.


5. My eyes are bigger than my gym shoes.

I am stubborn and I'll tell you its fine. But it's not. I'll lose the ability to walk and I shouldn't do it. I wasn't built for lots of exercise, I was built for enough exercise for now. But from time to time, I will try and over do it. Perhaps that's less of a risk now I'm employed, but it could potentially still happen.