Jefferstow's Road To The Marathon: Post 10: An Ode to running

Oh running, how can I describe thee?

Let me count the woes

I decided to use poetry

A form I also loathe. 

Our journey together started one year ago

A thousand miles we have travelled

I wanted desperately for some love from you

but you just left me completely unravelled

For the first six months, the pressure was low

We went out together once a week

I focused on my fitness, strength; and cardio

Any kind of variety I could seek

As winter set in, so did your colours true

Threatening illness, pain and injury

A twisted ankle that turned me blue

And chafing where no one else can see

Running, I learned you revel in causing pain,

From blisters to stabbing in my shins

Missing toenails, life's true bane

What did I do to deserve this? What were my sins?

As the battle between us became much more mental

I have cried and begged and pleaded

Don't make me go outside again, please be gentle,

A little support was all I needed

But you gave me nought but stress

Snow and flu and treacherous terrain

On the odd occasion when I finally felt YES

You just sent me lightning and cancelled my plane

Luckily for me, in my life I found solace

From my husband, friends and family

They gave generously from their wallets

Delivering kind words to encourage me

For these people I am grateful

Forever I will owe them for their care

Without them I would only feel hateful

And completely alone in this running nightmare

The marathon day has now come and passed

You tested every inch of my existence

So hot, that day, you tested every step to the last

But I finished, thanks to the crowds and my persistence

A hundred people have asked if I will keep playing your evil game,

Because I feel stronger now than ever before.

Even when all I've done is complain

People think I will be addicted to this dreadful chore

I wanted to like you, even fall in love,

Through every hardship I have risen above

But running, I have won, I have not caught your itch,

For Running; thou art a heartless bitch.

Jefferstow's Road To The Marathon: Post 9: The Final Countdown, International runs, and TREMENDOUS amounts of weight

I cannot believe The Final Week is actually here. It's a little under a year since I first got my marathon place. I definitely didn't know what I was in for at the time but (apart from multiple meltdowns) I'm proud to how far I have come and my current fundraising total is an incredible  £3,040 for which I do not have the words to thank those who have donated, not can I express how much this means to my beloved Auntie.

I've been planning a blog to show you all the pictures of the lovely international runs I've done during my training, the idea was I would finish up with a lovely picture across the croisette in Cannes, but if you needed any further proof my training is doomed, my flight was cancelled and subsequent days brought thunder and lightning so I didn't make it this time...

But first just to share an amusing story from one of my clients that I met in Cannes... As a disclaimer  I adore all my clients and they are lovely but often don't see me for large periods of time.
So on Monday last week, I was nearing the end of my meetings but looking forward to the next one, with a Dutch guy whom we had just concluded a deal with... the sun was finally out so I went out to the terrace to collect him for my meeting. He gave me a massive hug and exclaimed "Wow, Emma! Haven't you lost a TREMENDOUS amount of weight?!"

I must admit I was slightly speechless, I'm not sure if he was remembering me slightly fatter than I was... or maybe I underestimated how  big I was last year... or maybe it's simply true what they say about vertical stripes being slimming... regardless I decided to take it and the emphasis on the word TREMENDOUS as a compliment.... much to the amusement of my very 'supportive' colleagues...

When I got home I did decide to weigh myself as back in February I hadn't dropped a pound and I discovered I've lost... *drum roll please*..... HALF A STONE. yep. Three kilos. Seven pounds. And yes yes yes I know it's an achievement blah blah blah but I've been running FOUR TIMES A WEEK FOR THE LAST 4 MONTHS and all I've lost is half a lousy stone. And yes I know that it's not the number that counts and yes yes I do look slimmer and yes if one more person tells me muscle weighs more than fat I WILL drop kick  you in the face.... All I'm saying is it I weighed less I would have a lot less to carry around with me for 26 sodding miles and it would be  much easier.  There's just no justice.

Anyway. Enjoy some lovely international run pictures. Say encouraging things and sponsor me. This time next week I'll be smug and no longer a whiny little cow. I promise.

OCTOBER 2017: CANNES

JANUARY 2018: MIAMI

FEBRUARY 2018: WARSAW

MARCH 2018: STOCKHOLM

MARCH 2018: COPENHAGEN

APRIL 2018: LEIGH-ON-SEA (HOME❤)

Jefferstow's Road to the Marathon: Post 8: Inspirational Narcissism.

My last post was a little dreary.... I haven't been totally feeling like myself during my training because R U N N I N G S U C K S.... but the end is nigh and I felt the need to post something more uplifting and hopefully amusing.

So I came to a weird realisation this weekend. After hitting rock bottom and scraping myself along the jagged edges of the ocean floor for a month or so, I had a huge epiphany last weekend when I completed a 20 mile run that actually turned out to be 20.7 miles due to a crapola Garmin.

My epiphany: Runners are narcissists. 

Please allow me to elaborate.
For FULL context... I am an extrovert (gosh it feels good to finally admit that). The phrase "ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE" pretty much sums up my outlook on life. In recent years I have despised when anyone makes a point of called me LOUD or BOSSY - like these are temporary, fleeting elements of my life that might pass at some point. But they aren't. My voice is louder than most people's. When I try to whisper people just ask me to repeat myself so whats. the. damn. point. And Bossy? Knowing what I want and how I want to express it is bossy? OK. Well if I was a man would you say the same. NAH. MATE.
I *AM WHO I AM* and that person may be a few decibels louder than others - but those who love me miss that when it is absent, and where you might hear loud, I am actually just excited, happy and passionate and I no longer feel bad about being those things.
Since I was 9 years old I have performed on stage: singing, acting, dancing and I LOVE every second of it. I get to put my heart and soul into something and get uproarious applause for it - what's not to love?! I love being centre of attention but as I've grown older I have learnt when I need to take a step back, and I love it in the second row just as much.
With all the above in mind, I would like you to remember two facts: I am not a runner, and I am incredibly self aware.

So back to my epiphany; with clarification taking into account the above statement:  Runners are narcissists; and they are worse than those in amateur dramatics. 

To support this OUTRAGEOUS claim:

1. Running is an entirely lone activity. If you belong to a club or run in a group, fine, but you are still 100% out there to beat yourself and be better than every body else. You are number 1 and no teamwork is involve, nor ever needs to be.
Amateur Dramatics is about team work. Even if you have the lead role you *HAVE* to be a team player or you will lose respect of your fellow society members and may never succeed again. Your success isn't solely linked to your talents and training, but how you cope with the environment as well.

2. Culturally, by those who do not run, Running is considered some sort of mythical, magical, impossible task. Those who do not run because they hate it are in absolute AWE of those who run. Therefore runners get to automatically soak in  a huge amount of compliments and worship, sometimes without words.
In Amateur Dramatics - people will come and watch you, and often make comments that they "couldn't do what you do" - but the awe is much MUCH less. Performing on stage isn't anywhere near as daunting as running 10 miles (Maybe because it hurts less?!)


3. As stated above.... RUNNING SUCKS. It is literally the worst activity. It's bad for your body, it puts you under huge amounts of strain in your legs, hips, knees, shins, feet, back.... not to mention issues it can cause to your digestion, your lungs and your heart (it's shocking how many people die during marathons because running triggers a heart defect.). Someone told me last week even Mo Farah hates running - and even if he runs a decent distance he's barely outside for 2 hours... imagine how us normal folk feel. So to enjoy (or purport to enjoy) running, you really are trying your best to find something impossible to love, and love it... to earn the respect of those that can't get over that simple truth (that it sucks).
Amateur dramatics brings joy and entertainment to the masses, and that feeling is reciprocated by the performers. Need I say more?

4. Running makes you an instant inspiration. Seriously: READ my last blog post. Go on my social media to see how much I am hating training. Talk to my husband and let him tell you how many times I have sobbed uncontrollably in the last few months because I can't do it but I have to do it.
H O W E V E R.... In the last few weeks I have had a beautiful collection of amazing messages from people literally telling me I'm an inspiration. (Disclaimer: I am using the word 'literally' correctly, this word has been used). ALL I HAVE DONE IS MOAN but someone actually told me I had inspired her to get her trainers out... DON'T DO IT! I yell... but inside my heart is doing somersaults for how good it feels to know I've inspired someone to do something, even though I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It feels so good - and good runners must be even more inspiring and therefore feel even better (I get it, guys, I'm not judging!)
I don't think one person has ever got on stage purely because I've done it.... And I would tell anyone to tread the boards just once, because its marvellous.

5. The smugness is insatiable. On Sunday, I set out for my 20 miles at 10am. I had been at an unlimited prosecco brunch the day before and could still smell it on my skin. I didn't really know how it would go, just that I *HAD* to complete it. My Garmin was playing up so I wasn't sure if it was accurate, but I ignored it and powered through until I got to 20 miles. I ran the entire way, even though intense shoulder pain and every part of me wanting to give up. When that 20 miles hit, I was about 500 yards from my home. I turned off my Garmin, turned on CAKE BY THE OCEAN on my phone, took my sweaty tshirt off and basically danced my way home. When I hoped the door my husband asked "Why are you smiling?"
Because I ran 20 m-er f-ing miles!
 No one else I was with at prosecco brunch could do that. My hubby couldn't have done that. My family couldn't have done that... but *I DID IT*. I felt so utterly smug and superior, to  no one in particular but myself... but who cares?! It felt GOOD knowing I could do something that 90% of the people I know couldn't currently do.
I have never felt smug when performing in shows, regardless of my parts. I've never felt anything but grateful. One of the best feelings of my life was when 600 people in the Palace theatre, Westcliff, gave us a standing ovation on the last night of Sister Act the Musical. That was an absolutely amazing feeling, but I didn't feel smug or superior, I felt an equal part of the joy that we had filled the room with.


So in short; Runners are narcissists. and they are worse than actors because they won't admit it. But it's okay guys, I know your secret now. I get it. Being an inspiration feels bloody lovely... but I would rather have my sanity and my shins.

3 more weeks to go!

Jefferstow's Road To the Marathon: Post 7: Peaks and really really deep troughs

It's taken me a while to work out exactly what and when to write my next blog post. My original plan was to write a witty and inspiring opener to 2018, talking about how excited I was to have achieved my goals so far and how excited and terrified I was for the next 16 weeks, following Virgin Marathon's training plan.

However, although I did achieve my goal of running a half marathon before the end of 2017 (completed 13.1 miles in 2 hrs 29 mins on the 31st December... Oh how I cried)... my Uncle was taken into hospital and under going serious treatment and physio since the day after Boxing Day. I didn't feel particularly positive, or like it was appropriate to be celebrating anything when my family was so far away and suffering so much.

We lost my Uncle Alwyn on the 11th January. He slipped away peacefully after one hell of a fight. We celebrated his life in a beautiful service on the 9th February; and also found out my cousin and his wife are expecting their second child in July.


It has been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions for a number of reasons as you can imagine, and as much as I wanted to, there just haven't been the words to express how I've been feeling; nor could it ever be my place to even begin to explain what a huge hole Alwyn has left in the lives of my Auntie and cousins. Over 100 people came to his funeral which is a huge testament to what a happy, cheeky and well loved man he was during his too-short time on earth.
For me, I will always be thankful for him for taking me to see Star Wars when they came out as those films play such an important role in my life now, for accompanying my singing on the piano multiple times; and for the best Donald Duck impression I have ever, or will ever hear.

In terms of my marathon training, things have also been a total rollercoaster. The Virgin Marathon training plan is INTENSE and involves running 4 times a week, with some sort of stretching in the middle. I can't even explain to you how much time and energy this takes up.
The mid week runs are a mix of Easy and Steady runs (which I love) and Interval runs; which are tough but very rewarding. Sundays bring the long runs. I hate the long runs.

After my semi-successful half marathon, I have really struggled on the long runs. The longest I've managed so far is 15.6 miles, which was a good day. But the week before I ran 14 miles and ended up sick in bed for the next 48 hours. I lost my confidence 3 weeks before that by running 10 miles in a bad mood which ended up with me crying my eyes out 4 miles away from my house with no way to get home except to run. I ran 10 miles on a treadmill to build my confidence again and ended up with under-boob chafing (I kid you not).

For the last 3 weeks the snow and illness have completely messed up my time table. I managed to run 5 miles with a mild chest infection. I don't know how I feel about that.

I have 6.5 weeks left to go and I have no clue how I'm going to get there. I've literally had to consult my diary and can no longer accept invites for plans until after 23rd April because I just do not have the time nor the energy to do anything except sit quietly at home on the evenings I do have spare.
I've never been more demotivated or tired but I need to keep going. I don't have a choice at this point.

There is no love in running, no joy, no freedom. It doesn't clear my head, it makes everything seem bigger, harder and worse than it seemed before I started running. I cannot wait for this to be over so I can tick it off my list and get back to being a cheerful, energetic person, and a nice wife to live with.

But so as not to end this blog on a depressing note, I am absolutely chuffed to say that I have reached my minimum fundraising target for Motor Neurone Disease. That doesn't mean I don't need more money, there is still no cure for this disease and they need every penny you can spare. I am so grateful for the financial and mental support you have all given me so far, I can't even begin to explain how much I've needed it.

I am also stronger and fitter than I ever thought possible. For 2 days after I ran the half marathon I could barely walk, that was only 9 weeks ago.... when I ran nearly 16 miles, I barely needed to stretch and I was absolutely fine the next day. Even with breaks due to travel, illness and snow, getting back on the horse hasn't been a huge trial. I can do it, my body is letting me to it... I just have to believe it.

Please keep saying nice things and donating money!

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/jefferstow-runs-the-marathon