My last post was a little dreary.... I haven't been totally feeling like myself during my training because R U N N I N G S U C K S.... but the end is nigh and I felt the need to post something more uplifting and hopefully amusing.
So I came to a weird realisation this weekend. After hitting rock bottom and scraping myself along the jagged edges of the ocean floor for a month or so, I had a huge epiphany last weekend when I completed a 20 mile run that actually turned out to be 20.7 miles due to a crapola Garmin.
My epiphany: Runners are narcissists.
Please allow me to elaborate.
For FULL context... I am an extrovert (gosh it feels good to finally admit that). The phrase "ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE" pretty much sums up my outlook on life. In recent years I have despised when anyone makes a point of called me LOUD or BOSSY - like these are temporary, fleeting elements of my life that might pass at some point. But they aren't. My voice is louder than most people's. When I try to whisper people just ask me to repeat myself so whats. the. damn. point. And Bossy? Knowing what I want and how I want to express it is bossy? OK. Well if I was a man would you say the same. NAH. MATE.
I *AM WHO I AM* and that person may be a few decibels louder than others - but those who love me miss that when it is absent, and where you might hear loud, I am actually just excited, happy and passionate and I no longer feel bad about being those things.
Since I was 9 years old I have performed on stage: singing, acting, dancing and I LOVE every second of it. I get to put my heart and soul into something and get uproarious applause for it - what's not to love?! I love being centre of attention but as I've grown older I have learnt when I need to take a step back, and I love it in the second row just as much.
With all the above in mind, I would like you to remember two facts: I am not a runner, and I am incredibly self aware.
So back to my epiphany; with clarification taking into account the above statement: Runners are narcissists; and they are worse than those in amateur dramatics.
To support this OUTRAGEOUS claim:
1. Running is an entirely lone activity. If you belong to a club or run in a group, fine, but you are still 100% out there to beat yourself and be better than every body else. You are number 1 and no teamwork is involve, nor ever needs to be.
Amateur Dramatics is about team work. Even if you have the lead role you *HAVE* to be a team player or you will lose respect of your fellow society members and may never succeed again. Your success isn't solely linked to your talents and training, but how you cope with the environment as well.
2. Culturally, by those who do not run, Running is considered some sort of mythical, magical, impossible task. Those who do not run because they hate it are in absolute AWE of those who run. Therefore runners get to automatically soak in a huge amount of compliments and worship, sometimes without words.
In Amateur Dramatics - people will come and watch you, and often make comments that they "couldn't do what you do" - but the awe is much MUCH less. Performing on stage isn't anywhere near as daunting as running 10 miles (Maybe because it hurts less?!)
3. As stated above.... RUNNING SUCKS. It is literally the worst activity. It's bad for your body, it puts you under huge amounts of strain in your legs, hips, knees, shins, feet, back.... not to mention issues it can cause to your digestion, your lungs and your heart (it's shocking how many people die during marathons because running triggers a heart defect.). Someone told me last week even Mo Farah hates running - and even if he runs a decent distance he's barely outside for 2 hours... imagine how us normal folk feel. So to enjoy (or purport to enjoy) running, you really are trying your best to find something impossible to love, and love it... to earn the respect of those that can't get over that simple truth (that it sucks).
Amateur dramatics brings joy and entertainment to the masses, and that feeling is reciprocated by the performers. Need I say more?
4. Running makes you an instant inspiration. Seriously: READ my last blog post. Go on my social media to see how much I am hating training. Talk to my husband and let him tell you how many times I have sobbed uncontrollably in the last few months because I can't do it but I have to do it.
H O W E V E R.... In the last few weeks I have had a beautiful collection of amazing messages from people literally telling me I'm an inspiration. (Disclaimer: I am using the word 'literally' correctly, this word has been used). ALL I HAVE DONE IS MOAN but someone actually told me I had inspired her to get her trainers out... DON'T DO IT! I yell... but inside my heart is doing somersaults for how good it feels to know I've inspired someone to do something, even though I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It feels so good - and good runners must be even more inspiring and therefore feel even better (I get it, guys, I'm not judging!)
I don't think one person has ever got on stage purely because I've done it.... And I would tell anyone to tread the boards just once, because its marvellous.
5. The smugness is insatiable. On Sunday, I set out for my 20 miles at 10am. I had been at an unlimited prosecco brunch the day before and could still smell it on my skin. I didn't really know how it would go, just that I *HAD* to complete it. My Garmin was playing up so I wasn't sure if it was accurate, but I ignored it and powered through until I got to 20 miles. I ran the entire way, even though intense shoulder pain and every part of me wanting to give up. When that 20 miles hit, I was about 500 yards from my home. I turned off my Garmin, turned on CAKE BY THE OCEAN on my phone, took my sweaty tshirt off and basically danced my way home. When I hoped the door my husband asked "Why are you smiling?"
Because I ran 20 m-er f-ing miles!
No one else I was with at prosecco brunch could do that. My hubby couldn't have done that. My family couldn't have done that... but *I DID IT*. I felt so utterly smug and superior, to no one in particular but myself... but who cares?! It felt GOOD knowing I could do something that 90% of the people I know couldn't currently do.
I have never felt smug when performing in shows, regardless of my parts. I've never felt anything but grateful. One of the best feelings of my life was when 600 people in the Palace theatre, Westcliff, gave us a standing ovation on the last night of Sister Act the Musical. That was an absolutely amazing feeling, but I didn't feel smug or superior, I felt an equal part of the joy that we had filled the room with.
So in short; Runners are narcissists. and they are worse than actors because they won't admit it. But it's okay guys, I know your secret now. I get it. Being an inspiration feels bloody lovely... but I would rather have my sanity and my shins.
3 more weeks to go!
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