10. "Good luck!"
At any time, any location or however many times you have been to the gym. The thought of needing some sort of supernatural aid to help you through whatever is coming next is quite frankly, terrifying.
9. "Ouch, that hurt, didn't it?"
From your instructor. I'm a firm believer in the fact they shouldn't be making us do things they find hard. Although it is reassuring when these super human specimens break a sweat.
8. "I'm just going to turn down the lights."
No, please don't. Bad things happen when the lights are out. I didn't even have a traumatic childhood, I've just been to these classes before.
7. "Only X more!"
Whatever that number, by this point it is never EVER "only" that amount more. Knowing what is coming is the worst feeling when doing exercise. Genuinely, I'd rather not know.
6. "*General sexual noises*"
Particularly when stretching. I'm not sure why people do it, but I'm always nearer farting than anything else by that point.
5. "How often do you pick up a 30 kilo burger to your face?"
There is just no answer to this. Plus it makes you laugh which puts your tush and pubic bone all outta line. And nobody wants that.
4. "Go and get the barbells." or "And now get into the plank position."
No thank you.
3. "We need an extra half an hour really."
We seriously don't. I know it might make me look like you, which would be wonderful. I just wasn't born that way and I don't care that much.
2. "That's the exercise that stops your bottom from falling through and down your legs."
In all honesty, I'm glad that I'm working on it, but when I'm in a vulnerable tortoise-on-its-back position, I do not want to be reminded that the body allows itself to do that sometimes.
1. "Watch out for what's coming behind you!"
When arse-up and sweating out of your eyeballs, this is the last thing anyone wants to hear.
No comments:
Post a Comment